


Better or Worse

by jl_micasea



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: All Rights Reserved, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Do Not Translate, Do not repost, Estrangement, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Heartache, Marriage, Reconciliation, Romance, SKz Smut, Stray Kids Smut, Swearing, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vanilla, husband bang chan, stray kids x reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:20:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28914507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jl_micasea/pseuds/jl_micasea
Summary: Married life is tough, and you’re approaching your limit. Can you rekindle the flames you once had with your distant husband? Or is it already too late?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Better or Worse

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from my old Tumblr account.  
> Originally written from a request, but I loved the idea so much I went a teensy bit overboard with it. Feedback is appreciated either through AO3 or Tumblr @jl-micasea. Please enjoy. Please consider leaving kudos or a comment on this if you enjoyed it, they're all responded to and are what keeps me motivated. ~Mica  
> ~ [Tumblr](https://jl-micasea.tumblr.com/)  
> ~ [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/jlmicasea)

##### [18:06] I’ll be home late. Don’t wait up for me.

He’d done it again.

This was the fourth time this week, and the fifteenth time this month.

Your arm dropped to your side as you looked over the lavish dinner you’d prepared for him, the candles and flowers in the centre of the table that you’d gone out of your way to buy for tonight. Steak had always been his favourite, but now it was just another dinner you’d have to throw away. A hopeless gesture of love that he’d never see… just like all the others.

Holding your head in your hands, you sat down at the table, wondering once again how things had gotten this bad. Chan had always thrown himself into his work, and you’d known that when you married him. It was part of what made you fall in love with him. His passion for his music, his dedication to his craft. It was all part of what made him, him. Despite his busy schedule, he’d always been attentive, making sure you knew that you were his first and only priority. He was loving, and _so_ passionate it made your head spin. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for you.

So you found yourself wondering where the man you’d married had gone.

Chan had now made a habit out of coming home late. You used to try and stay awake until he got back, but you’d stopped doing that after he’d told you there was no point in waiting. The days you’d usually spend together, were now spent apart. Chan would tell you he needed to go somewhere or do something, never giving you specifics, and you’d be left questioning what could possibly be more important to him than spending time with you.

Your sex life had all but evaporated, making any chance of creating a family or reconnecting with him on an emotionally intimate level, impossible.

You’d arrived at a few possible conclusions, none of which you wanted to be true. Had you done something to upset him? Had he found someone else? Had his feelings just… changed?

The lonely nights without him made you insane. You’d lie in bed, eyes wide open, your mind racing as you created fantasies in your head as to where he was or what he was doing. Anxiety would eventually take over, and you’d find yourself searching his bag or smelling his clothes to identify any trace of an affair. Of course, you never found a thing… but that only made things worse. You could rationalise an affair or a secret lover… It was a solid reason for the breakdown of your marriage, one that you could attach to the change in him. It would devastate you, but it would give you closure, at least.

You didn’t want to be this person. The overly emotional, clingy, anxious wife who questioned where he was and why he wasn’t coming home. But that was who you were becoming, and it was destroying you.

* * *

##### You stepped out of the shower, tussling your hair through as you headed to the bedroom.

The soft, beige carpet under your bare feet made you feel lighter, despite the heavy feeling of despair in your chest. That was just something you had learned to live with over the last few months.

Opening your wardrobe, you slid aside the hangers, looking for your usual pair of sweats, when you suddenly stopped.

Your eyes rested on a long forgotten piece of lingerie, hanging right at the back of the wardrobe. It was a tiny one piece, pure red silk with black lining along the bustier. You absently reached out to touch it, fond memories coming back to you as your fingers traced the fabric. Chan had lost his mind the first time he’d seen you in this… That wicked glint in his eye had made you giddy, and he’d ravaged you for hours, satisfying you and his own insatiable appetite for sex. Vague visions of his body on yours, of his lips on your skin and the sweet nothings he used to whisper flooded back to you. How many years ago was that…?

Without realising, a small tear ran down your cheek. Your heart ached. _God_ … you missed him.

You shook your head, reminding yourself that it was pointless to pine for the past. You were here, and this was right now. There had to be something you could about this whole mess. You had to at least try. For the sake of your marriage, and your love for him, you would find the strength inside you to fix things.

This was it. Your last ditch attempt to save your marriage.

* * *

##### You froze as you heard the front door to the house open.

He was home.

You quickly checked the time on your phone, it was already well past midnight. Pulling your dressing gown tighter around you, you steeled your nerves as you heard his footsteps approach the bedroom.

_I can do this._

“What are you still doing up?” His familiar voice came from the doorway.

You turned to look at him, and your heart sank at how tired he looked. The bags under his eyes were deeper than yesterday, his hair was messy and unkempt. Despite that, he still looked ethereal. He could have been wearing rags and he’d still take your breath away, even after all these years.

“I wanted to see you…” You smiled, doing your best to keep your voice stable as he went about his evening routine of getting ready for bed.

“I told you not to wait up.”

You bit your lip, sensing his tone and how he seemed to be doing anything other than looking at you. You loosened your dressing gown, allowing it to slip down your shoulder, revealing a hint of the lingerie beneath. You had to persevere.

“Chan… I-”

“You should go to bed.”

Without even looking back at you, he left the room with his sweats in his hand. You heard the door to the bathroom close, and your stomach began to knot. The anxiety crept in, prodding its’ icy fingers at you as it told you that you weren’t good enough. You were no longer what he wanted.

You shook your head, inhaling deeply and slowly releasing the breath as you tried to silence the negative thoughts.

Slipping off the dressing gown, you quickly checked yourself in the dressing table mirror, running your fingers over your lips and throwing out your hair. He was your husband. Your man. You didn’t need to tiptoe around this.

You sat on the end of the bed, waiting for him to return. He’d always been quick with showers, so you knew he wouldn’t be long. You smoothed the lingerie down over your skin, taking a brief moment of pleasure in how the fabric felt under your fingers.

Chan returned to the bedroom, his hair still wet, with nothing but a towel hanging from the v-line of his hips. You’d almost forgotten how beautiful he was… it had been so long since you’d seen him like this.

His eyes flicked over you as he stopped dead in his tracks.

You lounged your legs out in front of you, hiking the lingerie up your thighs subtly as you rested your arms behind you on the bed. Under normal circumstances, you would have cringed at how badly you trying to be sexy, and you were sure it was coming off as nothing but awkward. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

“What are you doing?”

His expression wasn’t what you wanted. He looked almost… disappointed.

“Don’t you recognise this…?” You asked, trying your best to retain your ever slipping composure.

Chan’s eyes darkened as he ruffled his hand through his wet tresses.

“Yes.”

He was giving nothing away.

“Chan, I… I want to-”

“You want me to fuck you?”

His words caught you off guard. Ultimately, yes, that was what you wanted… but he’d made it sound so… heartless. You were trying to do so much more than that. Why couldn’t he see that?

“Well, yes… but I-”

You didn’t get a chance to explain yourself as Chan approached you, wrapping his arms around your waist and throwing you onto the bed proper. Your breath hitched in your throat as he spread your legs open, whipping his towel off and forcing himself between your legs.

“Chan, wait-”

His face was expressionless. Blank. There was no emotion in him as he pinned your shoulder to the bed, pumping himself between your legs to coax his semi-hard erection into full girth.

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t what you wanted.

“Chan! Stop!” You tried to push at his shoulders, but he’d always been stronger than you. He loomed over you, not hearing you at all as he lined himself up at your entrance. There was no love here. No care. He was just doing you a service. Giving you what you wanted, or what he thought you wanted, so he could go to bed.

“Chan!!” You shouted, mustering all your strength as you pushed at him. Your chest began to split in two, tears flowing down your cheeks as this gave you all the confirmation you needed. He didn’t love you anymore. He couldn’t have.

“I want a divorce!”

The words escaped your lips in a heart wrenching sob before you even knew it.

Chan stopped, his eyes resting on yours as if he was seeing you for the first time. As if he’d just been slapped in the face.

“W- what…?”

You sat up, pushing him away as his grip on you weakened. You pulled yourself off the bed, grabbing your dressing down and wrapping it around you tightly. You held your arms around yourself, trying to hold your heart together as you looked at the man who’d just broken it.

“I want a divorce.” You repeated.

Chan remained on his knees, frozen in place, his expression totally unreadable.

“Why…?”

You released a laugh of disbelief as weeks and months of emotions began to bubble. You couldn’t hold back anymore. He couldn’t actually be this oblivious, could he?

“Why?!” You shouted. “Because you’re not here, Chan! You haven’t been here for months!”

You swiped your sleeve against your cheek, wiping the tears from your face.

“You’re not the same person I married. You’ve changed to the point where I don’t even recognise you anymore! You’re consumed with your work - it’s all you think about. You leave me alone, you come home late, you barely even touch me… I don’t know what I’ve done to make you hate me like this, but I know your feelings have changed. I can feel it. Even if you can’t.”

Chan shook his head slowly as he heard your words. He climbed off the bed, his arms outstretched as he tried to approach you.

“We’re supposed to be a team…” You whimpered, your voice cracking helplessly. “I thought marrying you would mean you were my partner for life…”

You took a step back as he reached for you.

“But I’ve never felt so alone, Chan…”

Your knees gave way beneath you as you sank to the floor. You couldn’t bear to look at him. You needed out.

“Y/N, please I-”

“Save it.” You cried, pulling yourself up from the floor. “I’m doing us both a favour. This isn’t a marriage. It’s a joke.”

Tears blurred your vision as you headed for the door. Swiping your car keys from the side table, you ignored Chan’s calls as you left your house, breaking into a straight barefoot sprint for your car the moment you got outside. You flung open the door and climbed in, fumbling with the keys in the ignition.

“Y/N! Please just fucking stop!!” Chan cried, following you outside with just his towel on. He stood in front of the car, his eyes wild with panic as he slammed on the hood.

You shook your head, sobbing as you watched him through the glass.

It was too late. The damage was done.

You turned the key, desperately wiping your eyes as the car stuttered to life. You slammed the gears into reverse and backed out of the drive with dangerous speed.

“Y/N!!” Chan shouted, running after you down the graveled path.

You couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as you drove off down the street, the silhouette of Chan disappearing in the rear view mirror.

Your life as you knew it was over. And that was for the best. Right…?

* * *

##### “Holy shit, what happened?!”

Gina asked with clear concern in her voice as she opened her door to you.

“I’m staying here tonight.”

You shoved past her into her apartment, throwing yourself on her sofa. She closed the door and sighed heavily. She’d known this was coming just as much as you did.

“Is it done?” She asked sadly, sitting down next to you.

“Basically. I told him I want a divorce.”

Gina held her head in her hands, with nothing but sympathy on her face.

“Don’t look at me like that…” You whined, throwing your head back into the sofa. “I can’t do this tonight.”

“Y/N…” She said softly, taking your hand in hers. “Is this what you really want?”

You fought back tears as you looked at her, knowing that she knew the answer to that.

“Of course not, G. But what other choice do I have? He’s not my husband anymore.”

She looked like she was about say something further, but she stopped. Instead, she wrapped her arms around you, holding you tightly in silence. You’d never been so grateful for the single friend you had.

“You can stay here as long as you want. No pressure.” She smiled, holding you at arms length. You gave her a weak thank you, slinking yourself into the cushions and closing your eyes as she laid a soft, fluffy blanket over you.

Leaving you alone with your thoughts, Gina headed to bed.

Your mind began to replay what had just happened. You went over every little expression Chan had made and the very few words he’d said. How he’d chased you out of the house, asked you to stop. Maybe you’d been too hasty…?

No. This was what needed to happen. You refused to live a life of neglect, feeling unwanted for the rest of your days. You deserved better than that. No matter how much you loved him.

The semantics of divorce itself began to run through your head… you’d need to get a lawyer. Have to file divorce papers. How were you going to split the assets? Not that you owned much, but you certainly couldn’t share things anymore.

Feeling the pit in your stomach grow, you tried to shake the thoughts away. Right now, all you wanted was to heal. That was your priority. Losing your husband had been a gradual process, but one that almost made this abrupt break easier. You were getting the closure you needed.

And everything else could wait until tomorrow.

* * *

##### *ring ring*

You sighed under your breath as your phone rang with Chan’s tenth call of the day.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Gina asked from next to you with a mouth full of popcorn.

“No.”

You couldn’t bear to hear his voice right now. You wanted this distance to draw a clear line between you, telling him that you weren’t going back. That this was real.

Your phone rang off and you turned your attention back to the movie, pulling the hoodie Gina had let you borrow closer around your neck. The movie was shit, but it was a distraction. You needed distractions right now.

**_*ring ring*_ **

“Ugh, Jesus! Just answer the goddamn phone, Y/N!” Gina shouted, pausing the movie and hauling herself up from the sofa. “He won’t stop until you talk to him! So just talk to him. Please?”

Rolling your eyes, you grabbed your phone and sunk into the cushions, watching as Gina strutted away to give you some privacy. You stared at the screen, dreading every part of what you were about to do.

“Hello?”

_“Y/N?! Thank god, I’ve been trying to reach you forever-”_

“What do you want, Chan?”

A pause came from the other end of the phone.

_“What do I want? I want you back here, right now!”_

You laughed under your breath. It was just like him to be so totally brazen with you, even now in this dire situation.

“I’m not coming back.”

_“Y/N, this is ridiculous. I know you said some things last night, but I also know you didn’t mean-”_

“Chan, stop! I meant exactly what I said. I’m filing for divorce. I’m doing us both a kindness and putting an end to this shamble of a marriage.”

Another pause.

_“You can’t be serious…”_

“I’m deadly serious.”

You had to stand your ground. You had to be firm with him. This was for the best…

_“Y/N… please. Please don’t do this.”_

Your heart wrenched as you heard the tone to his voice. It was desperate. Pained.

_“You… you’re my everything.”_

No. This wasn’t fair. He couldn’t do this to you.

“Am I?!” You cried, feeling your self control crumble. “It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. I haven’t been your _anything_ for a long time, Chan.”

_“B- but, I-”_

“Don’t. Don’t try to talk me out of this. You know as well as I do that this marriage is over. I’m seeing a lawyer first thing in the morning.”

With that, you abruptly ended the call. If you’d stayed on the phone with him any longer you knew he would have tried to break down your resolve, and you couldn’t afford to do that. His pleas were far too little, far too late.

* * *

##### Standing outside your house, you looked up at the open windows on the second floor, the sheer drapes blowing freely in the gentle, late afternoon breeze.

You rolled your eyes and sighed internally. It was just like him to leave all the windows open, even though you’d told him a hundred times before to make sure they were closed before he left. You knew he wouldn’t be home at this time because of his work schedule, so this was the perfect opportunity for you to grab as much of your stuff as you could carry. You wanted to avoid doing it while he was here, if only to make it easier on yourself.

Sliding the key into the lock, you clicked it open and stepped inside. The familiar surroundings made you feel instantly at home, because that’s exactly what it was. It was your home. The home you and Chan had made together. The one that you were now losing.

It had been weeks since you’d last been here. Looking around with sad eyes, you took the time to admire everything. All the pictures and ornaments, the knick knacks you’d collected over the years. If you were never going to see this place again, you wanted your last memories of it to be fond. Not lonely and painful… because it hadn’t always been that way.

You had been the happiest couple in the world, at one point.

Taking a deep breath, you headed to the bedroom, going over what you needed once more in your head.

_Panties, sweats, jeans, that sweater with the stripes on-_

“Chan?”

The name escaped your lips before you even realised, as you were greeted by the sight of Chan, rolled up in bed.

He didn’t stir at your calling, and you clamped your hand over your mouth.

_What the hell is he doing?_

Moving closer, you realised he was asleep. He was completely buried amongst the sheets, his head barely visible. You wouldn’t have even known he was there if not for the tufts of blonde hair that poked out.

Even in this sleeping state, Chan looked… sad. His cheeks were tear stained, his knees brought up to his chest as he’d huddled himself into a ball. He looked so… small.

His hands were clutched to his chest, holding something tightly to his face that was buried in it. You peered over him, reaching out and pulling the item he was holding with an almost deathly grip.

That sweater with the stripes on. _Your_ sweater.

You instantly whimpered, your heart breaking once again. Why was he like this? Why was he clinging to your sweater like his life depended on it?

Chan’s eyes suddenly flew open, and he whipped his head around in surprise.

“… Y/N?”

You shook your head at him, your lips clamped together as you tried to fend off the sobs that were threatening to break you.

Chan sat up, rubbing his eyes as his face contorted into one of pure sadness. Like he’d just seen the one person he thought he’d never see again.

“Y/N…”

He reached out to you, wrapping his arms around your hips.

“Don’t…” You whispered, resigning yourself to his arms as he slowly pulled you into his lap. The soft bed sheets engulfed you, cradling you in warmth and security. He held you gently as he caught strands of your loose hair, brushing them behind your ears.

“Please… stop…” You sobbed, clutching the sheets as you buried your head into his chest. Of course, you didn’t want him to stop. You didn’t want him to let you go. Your strength had slipped away, any trace of determination disappearing with his gentle caress.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered, resting his forehead against yours as he turned and laid you down on your back. He climbed out of the bed sheets, and his hands soothed your hair as he began to shower you with kisses, small and gentle. All over your lips, eyelids, eyebrows, down your cheek, across your jaw and over your neck to your collarbone.

You sobbed desperately, uncontrollably. Your love for this man was so all-consuming, it was overwhelming you completely.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered again, his voice breaking as he slid his hands under your clothes, his fingers ghosting over your skin, creating goosebumps as he went. Your back arched as he slid down your body, kissing your navel, your sides, pushing your shirt up over your chest as his lips traced a path over you.

You shivered under him, your legs opening at his beckoning, craving for more of him. It had been too long since you’d last felt this… loved and wanted.

“I’m _so_ fucking sorry…” He whispered, dipping his head between your thighs and planting a gentle, wet kiss on your clothed heat. You whined as his hot breath washed over your core, tears continuing to flow in the mixture of emotions you were experiencing.

“Please… please don’t leave me…” He breathed, his voice wavering once again as he slid his fingers into the band of your panties, dragging them down over your legs. His eyes locked with yours as he returned to you, tear filled and glassy. He rolled his hips and bit down on his lip as the head of his solid cock laved through your glistening folds, making your body burn with desire.

“Please…” He whispered, his lips connecting with yours as he rested his weight on his arms. You wanted him to beg you to stay… and you knew this was what you’d wanted all along. To finally hear him say that he needed you… That he loved you. That you were crazy for ever thinking he didn’t.

“I hate you.” You whimpered, throwing your arms around his neck.

“I know, baby.”

A purely emotional sound escaped you as he gently thrust his hips forward, sliding his throbbing cock into you. Tears rolled down your cheeks as he filled you, that long forgotten sensation of him claiming you making you reel with dizzy giddiness.

Chan groaned into your ear, each lazy thrust of his hips becoming more delicious and sultry with every motion. You hooked your legs around his hips, clawing at his back and holding him tightly as he made love to you. You felt every inch of him, right down to your core. This was real.

“ _Fuck_ …” He whined, pushing himself up on his arms so he could look at you.

His breathing became more erratic with each passing second. You felt pressure build in your core, the tell tale signs of orgasm slowly consuming you. You whimpered helplessly, looking into his watery eyes as he gently slid his cock in and out, the wetness of your pussy creating obscene sounds of sucking and greed as you accepted him desperately.

“I love you, Y/N..” He purred, biting down on his lip as he struggled to hold himself together. You could feel he was close. You could feel that he loved you. It was a physical apology to you for everything he’d put you through.

Your body began to tremble as he picked up his pace, applying the slightest amount of extra pressure to his thrusts. Your eyes rolled back as the warmth of orgasm flooded your body, forcing you to emit a sinful moan of pleasure as you came apart beneath him. Chan cursed, his body shuddering as he felt your walls snug around his length, pushing him into his own high. Every muscle tensed as he buried his face back into your neck, holding you tightly as his release flooded you, his breathing laboured and heavy.

You weren’t sure how long you laid together after that. It might have been minutes, hours. The post-coital silence was blissful, giving both of you the chance to just relish in the feeling of the others’ presence once again. By the time one of you spoke, you already knew what the other was going to say.

That this marriage was worth fighting for. It was a very real, raw type of love that you’d only find once in your lifetime. And neither of you could afford to lose it.

* * *

##### “Chan?!”

You shouted at the top of your lungs, bursting out of the bathroom and into the living room. Chan jumped a mile, pulling down the headphones from his ears and whipping his head around to look at you.

Although things were much better now, he was still frightened. After what happened, he had gone out of his way to be better. A better friend, a better husband. He’d moved some of his studio to the house in an effort to spend more time with you. He didn’t have all his equipment here, so he still needed to go the actual studio now and then, but it was certainly a start. A start in fixing things, and a step in the right direction.

“What?” He laughed, watching you with adoring eyes as you sauntered over to him, your hands clasped behind your back.

You swayed in front of him, a bright smile on your lips.

“Close your eyes.”

Chan furrowed his brow in confusion, but complied anyway.

“Hands.” You commanded, getting him to hold his hands out in front of him. You took a deep breath, placing the item you’d been holding in his palms gently.

“Okay. Open.”

Chan rolled his eyes at you as he opened them, laughing under his breath. He looked down at his hands, spying the small stick you’d given him.

“Wh- what?”

You gestured for him to take a closer look.

“B- but… it’s a pregnancy test?”

“Good eye, Sherlock.” You sighed.

“A positive pregnancy test?” He asked, his voice raising a pitch as he looked closer.

You nodded your head, still smiling brightly.

“Who’s pregnant?” He asked. You could hardly believe he wasn’t joking, but that was Chan all over. Oblivious.

“Your wife.”

Chan’s eyes popped open as he heard your words, his expression changing from blatant confusion to miraculous delight.

“R- really?!” He asked, his voice breaking.

You nodded at him, laughing at his expression. Chan stood from his seat, holding the stick in his hand tightly.

“My wife’s pregnant?!”

“Yes…” You laughed again, giggling helplessly as he threw his arms around your waist, spinning you around and lifting you in the air.

He gently settled you down after the burst of excitement, holding your face in both hands as he rested his forehead against yours. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.

“I love you. So fucking much. You’re my beautiful wife. The mother of my children. My Queen. I will never let you go.”

Your heart did flips as his words sunk in. Why had you ever doubted this mans’ intentions?

“Hey…” You smiled, placing your hands over his as you looked up at him. “We’re in this together. For richer or poorer. In sickness and health. For better or worse. Right?”

**Author's Note:**

> ~ Feedback via [Tumblr](https://jl-micasea.tumblr.com/)  
> ~ Support via [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/jlmicasea)


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